How humiliating

So this post is a long overdue one, and it isn't really related directly to the Bible, but it is an important lesson we should all remember in our hearts.

Humility. It's direct meaning means, "to the ground." It doesn't mean giving up all your money to the poor and an act to serve others. Well, it does, but that's not all. Humility is to honor the Lord your God in whatever ways where ever you might be.

I admit to struggling the past weeks. I felt my small church wasn't "fulfilling" me, and it wasn't providing the strength for me to grow. I guess being gone for a year made me feel like I didn't belong in here anymore. Simply, I really did not want to go. I felt as a church they moved on, so, I should too. There was also a conflict with the pastor's wife - I guess I felt the way she talked behind my back wasn't a "Christian" thing to do. When my mother also pointed this out to me, saying how is this acting like a Christian, what is a girl to do? What do I say to my mother and father, who aren't Christians, that she didn't REALLY mean to talk about me, it was by accident. How can I tell them that when they knew?

So I avoided going to church back home, and I simply left to make it easier for all of us. I promised God I would worship Him in my own time and praise Him as well. Which I did. But I couldn't help feeling down and upset. I was really quite disappointed with all the churches, not just this one. I really hated the way the church was seen as a worldly building when it's a place of worship for God. I also admit to yelling at God, telling Him He is a disappointment to me too.

But today, a week later, I got a visit from the pastor's wife. And she gave me good advice that I'm going to share with you guys. A church will have people with their own differences. Coming from different backgrounds, education, age, and everything else, not all the people are going to get along. But Christ's love tells us otherwise. We are to worship, all as unique individuals, under one sky, for one purpose only. And that is to praise God whether we hate the guts of the person next to us. She told me that though our church has about twenty people, number means nothing. For God said He would be there for those one or two people praising Him together. I guess I really underestimated God for pulling through with my problems for the past week or so. I really didn't think He would help me solve my church issues.

Because the truth is, before I came back home, I prayed to God to send me to other research places. I really wanted to go study somewhere else. But God led me back home. I was sort of upset, but I took it because it was still something I wanted, although it didn't end up the way I wanted to. I was trying to avoid my church issues basically. I didn't feel the church growing as a whole and I wanted to find a "faithful" church. But I learned a very good lesson today: all churches are made for one purpose: GOD. He is the only one that matters, not the person you hate in church, neither the personalities of the people in your church, nor your opinions about them. God loves each and every one of you, no matter what you do. And I learned that we can NEVER find a church that's so absolutely perfect for us. NEVER. This world isn't perfect, and you won't be able to find a church that fits YOUR EVERY NEED. Though there might be a leader and you don't agree with him/her, it's not your right to criticize when he/she is praising God. Whether you agree with their teachings or not, it's not you to judge. God put you there to listen. And you have to look past your differences to truly let God's word touch your heart. Pray and ask that God will help you to get rid of your anger and upsetness and touch your heart. We don't learn from men, we learn from God's teachings. We have to focus on God's message, not focus on the person saying the sermon.

I also prayed a lot about going back to my home church. I asked if God really, truly wanted me to go back. I thought I should move on and find my own church, but I felt God tell me to stay and help the church to grow in unity and faith. I felt like He put me there to help "fix" the church if I felt it was broken. Afterall, if I thought it was that messed up, God wanted me to help it be better. So with God's blessing I went. But I left because of so many problems I felt with the people there. The problem was, I was looking them with my physical eye, not my heart. I learned today that I must listen to God with my spirit and heart, not my eyes nor ears.

All in all, God taught me a lot today. He told me not to judge. He told me not to worry. He told me to don't be afraid to face those you fear - because running only makes it harder. But most importantly, I heard God tell me it's okay to be hurting, just leave it up to Him. He will take care of it. I was impatient with Him and couldn't wait a week for Him to pull through for me. How humiliating.

I thought I grew up a lot over the past year. I did, but now I realize I'm still a child at heart. I have so much more to learn about spirituality, and to trust wholeheartedly, God. Humiliating. Another form of humility. I learned to be humble. It made me feel really small I admit, but it's a step to maturity.

Oh and respecting your elders and peers. Another lesson I learned today. I learned that there are two leaders in my church who stuck with the youth group and the church community after all these years. They didn't complain though everyone else left them, though they probably felt the same way I did at least once in the past. But their strong need to praise God no matter where there are blessed them to stay. And now I see why. God looks passed all our sins and erring ways, it's our job to do the same. These two leaders were able to do that, and now I have the utmost respect for them. Thank you.

God has opened my heart to more respect and more blessings with this lesson. There was a purpose for sending me back to my home church, and I am glad. I pray that from now on I won't doubt God, because He knows what's best for me. I really learned what humility is today. And it certainly made me know that my God is an awesome God. And really big. Because I felt really tiny.

All you guys out there who are struggling with your churches, don't fret. Pray. God is listening and will answer you eventually. There is that one person you just can't stand, but it's God's grace and His love for them that you can look past their faults. Opening your hearts to that will help you excel in any congregation. Love with God, share His joy for His people. Though it may be painful, our joy comes from knowing that God has already won the fight for us. He loves us and them, nonChristians and Christians alike.

And that, my fellow people, is how I learned to dance in the rain today.